Like Father like Son
by WittyWriter
Summary: When the universe is manipulated by me. Warning: a few cuss words. What if Luke joined his father? I really pick on Luke a lot in this story. It's just everyone being really causual.
1. Chapter 1

"Come to the dark side and we will rule The Empire as father and son." Now Luke would never admit it to Ben, but he had been considering the offer. It wasn't so much the fact that he wanted to rule The Empire, but that he just wanted to get to know his dad. It would soon be time to face his arch nemesis. Luke confused on what to do decided to surrender to his father's will.

They met on board the largest star destroyer, which happened to be the head of the fleet. When young Skywalker entered the room he saw the face of terror and destruction it was Lord Sidious sitting on his throne playing with his Barbie dolls.

"Can I comb her hair?" pleaded Luke.

"No." Answered the greedy old sith.

"Please."

"No."

Luke had enough of the Emperor. He whipped out his light saber, swung at Darth Sidious, and decapitated his head.

"Finally," Vader declared. "I've been waiting for that old fart to die."

"Can I join the dark side now?"

"No."

"What? You were like begging me to join before." Luke protested.

"You know what you're a really whinny kid."

"Look who's talking." Obi-wan appears out of thin air, still around the age of thirty.

"Damn this helmet is hot." Vader reaches too pull off his helmet.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Luke used and overly exaggerated scream while holding out his hand for no apparent reason. "If you take your mask off you'll die."

"Come on son, did you really believe that? How did you think I ate? Gezz, your stupid. Explains why you flunked out of school." Anakin pulled off his mask to reveal a gorgeous head of curl dirty blonde hair and the same face he had when he was twenty. _Hey it's my story._ "Well me and Obi never actually fought on Mustafar I actually put him in a carbon freeze, like with your Solo friend, so that my master would retain his beautiful youth. Since there was no battle I never caught on fire so I still have my perfect like hair." Lord Vader took a second to run his fingers through his hair and look at himself in the mirror. "I'm still pretty, just because I'm magic. Anyways then your nagging mother died, which really sucked, but trust me marriage sucked worst."

Obi-wan was tired of his padawan hogging up the spotlight and chimed in, "Well see I never actually died, I was in carbon freeze like you father said. To be honest you never knew me at all, you knew my clone that I named Ben. My name is Obi-wan. There's your big ass explanation of things."

Luke stood there in thought for a while. "Want to go the father son baseball game?"

P.S. Speaking of Ben, Luke was admitted to a few mental hospitals after telling people he saw ghosts.

* * *

**Read and review, please and thank you.**


	2. Chapter 2

It was the annual Father/Son, Master/Padawan baseball game.

"Now son, hitting a baseball is a lot like using a light saber. Remember when I cut Ben in half?" Darth Vader demonstrated the slicing technique.

"Okay dad, I got it." Luke headed off to bat.

"Oh and Luke, May the force be with you." Darth Vader headed off to the field ready to catch whatever lame foul Luke would probably hit.

Luke planted his feet at home. He closed his eyes to focus on the force and prepared to swing.

"Strike one!" yelled the umpire, who happened to be C3PO speaking for R2-D2's call.

"What! I didn't feel it in the force!"

"Come on kid this is baseball!" Qui-gon argued from second base.

Yoda threw another pitch. This time Luke kept his eyes open and actually hit the ball right to the short stop, who caught it in the air.

"Out!"

Obi-wan shook his head knowing he'd have to try to make up for his teammate's loss. The pitch came; Obi swung at hit it out to second. Qui-Gon jumped and stretched out his hand to get the ball. He would have caught it but the ball slipped through his glove on the account that he was a ghost.

"Good job." Darth Vader replied sarcastically as Kenobi landed on third.

The game continued for three hours. It was late and the father and masters were equally matched with their sons and padawans. Kenobi and Vader being the only ones that scored throughout the whole game, were unsatisfied that the game ended as a tie. Darth Vader was arguing with R2 about his last run, when Yoda called Luke over to tell him something secretly.

"Luke, get on the Star Destroyer. We're going home." Luke hurried to follow his father.

"We have a home?"

"The new Death Star, duh."

"Your not going to blow up more planets are you?"

"No, this one's just for show. I made sure it was extra shinny."

"Cool."

* * *

_Later That Day_

Vader headed down the hall furiously. "Luke! Luke! You are in so much trouble mister," he shouted trying to be louder than the music that came from Luke's room. "insert self esteem lines here," came echoing down the hallway.

Anakin finally pushed the open the door to looks room. "Dude! The Offspring sucks, besides your voice is too high pitched to be singing to it. Your better suited for The Darkness."

"The Offspring does not suck. You suck." Anakin put Luke into one of his death grips, waited until he turned blue then let him go.

"Listen to Metallica or something and stop being so wimpy." Anakin left the room only to hear Luke start up the music again. _Two can play at this game._

Vader plugged in his amp and started playing some Pantera songs over the Death Stars Commlink System. Luke was utterly annoyed and the battle of seeing who could play their music louder lasted until dinner.


	3. Chapter 3

_At Dinner_

"So Dad how come you never told me I had a sister?"

"You have a sister?"

"Yeah, Master Yoda told me it was Princess Leia."

"I didn't know. I left your mom after I found out she was pregnant."

"Can we visit her?"

"Sure. Tomorrow."

* * *

_The Next Morning_

They headed for Princess Leia's home planet, which was never actually destroyed. Anakin decided not to wear his Darth Vader outfit; he didn't want to freak his only daughter out. When they arrived at the palace they took seats in the main dinning hall. Anakin felt a sense of pride that his child was able to run such a beautiful place, unlike Luke who was a complete loser. Leia entered the room.

Luke bent over and whispered into his father's ear. "She's hot."

"Dude, that's incest." Vader looked at his son disgusted.

Leia took a seat across from them. She smiled weakly and questioned, "What brings you two here?"

"Leia," the dark lord started, "I am your father."

"Sweet." Leia responded. Ani was quite surprised. Hopefully his daughter would be a lot cooler than his brain dead son.

There was a moment of silence. Darth Vader leaned into the table and whispered to the princess, "Do you want to see my mask?"

"Umm, okay?" Leia was a bit distraught at the random question. But Lord Vader was pleased he opened his brief case and took out a burlap bag with holes in it.

"Scarecrow!" Luke cried.

"Opps, wrong one." He reached further back and pulled out a very intimidating black one. "Here it is." He quickly put it over his head. "Now I'm Batman."

"But your evil." Luke protested.

"And you're stupid." Leia taunted her brother.

"You have buns on your head."

"Your hair belongs to The Beatles."

"Children stop bickering, or I'll have to ground you both." Ani felt like he might actually be able to fit his role of being a father.


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or Desperate House Wives.

* * *

_

"Kids, I was thinking of throwing a dinner party, in Mary Alice's, I mean in Padme's honor of course." Leia stared at him in disbelief.

"Coolieo." Luke acknowledged his father.

"Luke, don't ever say that again, or I might just have to hurt you." Leia warned him, and then turned to her dad. "Can we unfreeze Han so he can join us?"

"Sure, sweetie pie."

* * *

The party had started and all was going well. Leia was busy greeting the guests waiting for Han to arrive, and Luke, well Luke was screwing up the simple task of taking people's coats. 

"But I can't tell the difference between Obi-wan's Jedi robe and Yoda's Jedi rode," Luke complained as he debated on which cubby to put them in.

Vader smacked himself in the head at the thought of his moronic son. "Yoda's shorter." Luke examined the robes again and blushed when he realized the obvious difference.

"Luke do you think I should wear my mask to the party or no? I don't want to scare anyone, but I do think it gives me a powerful presence."

"Daddy if you wear it you'll be weird and all the other kids on the playground will make fun of you." Luke broke out into tears.

"Uhh, okay I won't wear it then." Anakin backed away from his wailing son.

* * *

Ding. Anakin had a glass raised in the air a prepared to give a speech. "It has been nearly twenty years since we last saw Padme. I think I've been hiding the truth long enough; she never actually died. Yes, after Luke and Leia were being taken care of I abducted Padme and brought her to the Death Star. One night we were having a nice conversation when she needed to get a glass of water, she has been wandering the halls of this space station ever since, lost." 

"It is a really big space station." Mace agreed. _Yes, he's alive, my story remember?_

"Mesa agree with purple saber girly man."

"Jar Jar!" Obi-wan pointed to his old '_friend'_. "You're not dead yet?"

"No, no, no. Mesa and de Gungans live forsa thousands of years."

"Noooooooo!" Obi-wan screamed at the tragedy. "Lord, help me." He got down on his knees and started begging to the sky.

Anakin was glad he agreed with his former master about something, ever since he had met Jar Jar he wanted to kill him. "Well, since I'm the only Lord here," Vader begun, and then finished by force chocking Jar Jar. The room went into cheers. It was truly a party now.

Luke sat down at the table next to Yoda and his father. Leia sat next to Han, and continued to tell him how he was a scoundrel and that she only dates respectable men, while continuously flirting with her eyes and smile.

"Yoda, didn't you just like die?"- Luke.

"No, just trying to get rid of you, I was."-Yoda.

* * *

**Authors Note: Thanks for the comments. I just hope this story gave a few laughs. Next chapter, Jar Jar's funeral.**


	5. Chapter 5

The soldiers, turned waiters, brought out the salads to start off the meal. Qui-gon was arguing with the chef about the dressing, when the doors to the dinning area _swished_ (it's italicized because I like that word) open. Everyone stared in shock at the sight of Padme. "Honey, I'm home!" She shouted to her dearest Anakin. Vader and his wife ran towards each other as the world around them changed into a field of daisies. Only right before being able to fall into her husband's arms, Padme tripped over Jar Jar's dead body, bringing them both back to reality. "How many times have I told you not to murder our guests?"

"Sorry, dear."

"Well, it will only be proper to throw him a funeral. Everyone here is invited."

* * *

_Next week at Jar Jar's Cremation_

Even though around fifty beings were invited only the Skywalkers and Obi-wan showed up, not by choice. Padme had made a point of dragging her family down, and Obi-wan because he was staying with them.

"Do we really have to stay? I mean just light that thing on fire and let's leave." –Anakin _(I got tired of writing he said, she said, yes I am that lazy.)_

"Ani…" –Padme

"You, know I hate that name. I'm Darth Vader, dark lord of the sith." –Ani

"And I'm Darth Obi, dark lord of the rings." –Obi

While Obi-wan was busy mocking his father Luke was looking for a stick.

"What are you doing?" –Leia

Luke pulled out a bag of marshmallows. "Smores?"

"Over Jar Jar's Corpse?"

"Why not?"

"Okay."

So the twins sat by the campfire, I mean Jar Jar's burning body, and ate smores.

_

* * *

_

After the Funeral

"So what now?" Padme looked into space talking to the author of this story.

"I don't know you figure it out." I answered completely out of ideas.

"I'm bored." Luke complained.

"Shut up!" Leia yelled at her brother.

Vader sneaked away from his family and into the living room. "Finally some alone time." He said to himself and took a seat on the couch, with the remote in one hand and an ice cold Pepsi in the other.

"Anakin!" Padme yelled from the other room.

"Not now, the game's on." He answered.

"Anakin." She walked into the room and gave him a death glare that was worthy of Sidious himself.

Vader sighed, "Yes honey?"

"I'm baking muffins for Luke's dancing group. Right now I need to get ready to go to the market and you know with all my make up and what not, well anyways would you be a doll and take the muffins out in ten minutes?"

"Of course dear." A few seconds later when the thoughts registered in Ani's head he responded, "Wait Luke's in a dancing group?"

_20 minutes later_

"You burnt my muffins!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews.**

* * *

Leia and her dad were sitting at the breakfast table bored out of their minds. Leia had her elbow on the table and her head resting in her hand. They both sat there motionless for a while. Finally she sighed, "We should probably take over the rest of the galaxy."

"Yep." Anakin answered disinterested.

Obi-wan came over with a box of Cheerios, milk, a bowl and spoon. He sat himself between the two before telling them both, "You know Padme isn't going to let you do that."

"Padme doesn't control me." Anakin answered proudly.

"Oh yeah?" Obi-wan smiled, and rested his hands behind his head, in his usual know-it-all fashion.

_

* * *

_

After Breakfast

"Nice boots." Leia smiled at the (may I remind you) still young Obi-wan.

"Nice hair." He returned, not sarcastically to her surprise.

"Anakin!" Padme called him from over the commlink system. He fled down the halls after his wife's voice.

"Anakin." She smiled sweetly when he arrived at her room. "Now, about setting up the New Republic…"

"What?" he cut her off. "Hey I'm in charge of this empire."

"And I'm in charge of you." She retorted.

Anakin crossed his arms and pouted. Unfortunately Padme was immuned to his puppy dog face. He gave up and left the room.

Right when he closed Padme's door he bumped into Obi-wan. _'Great.'_ Anakin make a few grumpy noises and handed his old master a twenty-dollar bill.

"And?" Obi-wan smiled, clearly having a kick out of this.

"You were right and I was wrong." Anakin snarled before rolling his eyes.

* * *

_Later_

"Han!" Luke greeted his friend at the door.

"Hey kid." Han smiled at him. "So what's the deal? You need me to save your butt or something?"

"No, I was just thinking we could hang out." Luke paused and then whispered. "Did you bring the Playboys?"

Han gave one of his crooked smiles, and the two buddies headed off to Luke's room.

_Knock. Knock. Knock. _"Luke I'm going to kill you! You left the seat up!" Leia's angry voice penetrated the sound barrier.

"Ugh. Sisters." Luke groaned as he got up to answer the door. It _swished _open. Leia saw Han standing there and halfway fell over embarrassed. She gave a fake smile to cover it up.

"Mr. Solo, I didn't know you were here."

"Mr. Solo? Sweetheart you can call me Han."

"Don't call me sweetheart." She was suddenly reminded of Luke in the room. "Luke, don't you have something to do?"

"I was hanging out with Han."

"Well find something else to do." She glared at him.

"Fine." He answered in one of his whiny voices and left the two alone.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Sorry this took so long to post. I took a bit of a break to work on some _other_ stuff. I'm pretty sure I'll have quite a bit of Yoda and R2 in the next chapter.**

* * *

Leia was storming down one of the many empty halls of the Death Star. She was going insane all because of that stupid Han Solo, what a nerf header! She was so distracted by her anger she ended up walking straight into Obi-wan.

"Sorry." Then Leia came up with one of her evil schemes. "Obi-wan?" she asked as innocently as possible.

"Yes?"

"Would you mind doing me a favor?"

Obi-wan lifted an eyebrow sensing something in Leia's voice, but before he could ask what it was she pushed him back against the wall and kissed him.

Obi-wan was of course shocked out of his mind. Then he saw what it was. Han was standing right down the hall.

"Oh, Han I didn't see you there." Leia smirked at Han while brushing back her hair, knowing how jealous he had to be at the moment.

"Well of course you wouldn't. You were in the middle of make-out session." Han pointed out to her. "Next time get a room."

She heard it, the envy in his voice.

Obi-wan caught onto the game and felt like playing along. "Come on Leia, maybe we should get a room like Han said." Kenobi winked at her.

They headed off towards the center of the star together, Leia making sure to brush against Han's shoulder on the way.

_

* * *

_

Meanwhile

"Daddy, why'd you join the darkside?"

"All the chocolate I wanted." Vader answered his son.

"Seriously?" Luke asked seeing how it was such an odd thing to change for. Although he had to admit chocolate was pretty darn awesome.

"No."

They sat on the sofa a while, Anakin flipping through every channel repeatedly. Five minutes and a sore finger later he sighed and turned the TV off. "Nothing to watch, and we have satellite…Literally."

"So, mom's going to be chancellor of the new republic." Luke tried desperately to start a conversation with his father.

"There's no arguing with that woman." Ani was reminded of how dearly he loved his wife.

_

* * *

_

Speaking of Love…

"Okay, Leia, I know your just playing games with me. Say it, you like me."

"Han your too full of yourself." She answered to his cockiness.

"So you really like that Obi-wan guy?" He kept trying to get the truth out of her.

"Yes, I do. He cares about people, not just money." She snapped back at him.

"How's this for not caring about people." Han leaned in and kissed Leia. Something that Leia had been waiting forever to happen. Of course it being the perfect moment that it was, had to be interrupted by Threepio.

"Miss Leia, your wanted in the Observation Tower." C3PO looked at Han who was currently wearing an angry face. "Oh my." The droid turned and left as fast as he could.

_

* * *

_

At the Observation Tower

"Family meeting." Padme was dragging Anakin and Obi-wan in by the ears.

"But I'm not a part of the family!" Obi-wan protested. "My last name is Kenobi, not Skywalker."

"What's it about mom?" Luke asked while trying not to laugh at his squirming father.

"I want you and Leia trained to be Jedi."

"I can do that," Kenobi chimed in, "just let go of my ear."

"Mom, if I become a Jedi I can't get married." Leia looked at her mother concerned.

"Who were you planning on marrying?" Anakin's concerned parental instinct kicked in.

"Leia," Padme cut off her husband, "your father already redefined the Jedi rules on marriage. Well anyway it's settled, Obi-wan and your father will teach you and Luke."

"Can we go now?" Luke asked.

"Yes." Padme smiled like a loving mother, and not just the dictator of the family.


	8. Chapter 8

"Weeeee wooo." Artoo made happy beeping noises as he spun down the hallway. What was stranger about the sight was that there was a little green Jedi master on top of the droid.

"Come to stay with you, I have." Yoda said gleefully to The Chosen One.

Anakin sputtered trying to find the right words to say. He didn't want to hurt the Yoda's feelings, but he really didn't want him to stay on the Death Star. He might sneak into the kitchen and try to make some of his stew.

"Well Yoda, the Death Star is kind of occupied at the moment. We already have Obi-wan living here."

"Said I could stay with you, the author did. Running out of characters, she is."

Anakin knew that as powerful as he was, that I would eventually win, _I am writing the story._

"Ok Master Yoda, you can stay next to Luke." Luke had the farthest room from Anakin, and he wanted to make sure it stayed that way.

Anakin walked down the hall with Yoda and R2 carrying him. After a half hour they finally made it to the other side of the station. It was dark and dusty. Turns out Luke's room was right next to storage.

"Hey, Luke." Anakin knocked on his son's door.

"Yes dad?" The door _swished _open.

"Yoda's going to stay in the room next to you. Help him if he needs it?"

"Sure dad."

Yoda and R2 settled themselves into the room. Unfortunately when Anakin turned to leave, Luke was following him.

"This comb not needed, will it be." Yoda ran his hand over his baldhead. "At least not shinny like Master Windu's, is it."

Artoo beeped.

Master Yoda climbed on top of the droid once again to get a ride down the hallway.

"Weeeee!" R2 and Yoda screamed out of joy together.

* * *

**Author's Note: There was the more but I've decided to stop writing my story because of a review I have received.**

"shivani  
2005-08-03  
ch 1, anon.

That was the worst story I ever heard.Who should be ashamed at typing such garbage. You disgust me so much that I hate you and I haven't even met you.Please stop typing stories because you stink at it. Bye!"

**Shivani is absolutely right. How dare I write a story, I'm absolutely horrible. I've decided to take her advice and stop writing. She has every right to hate me. I'm sorry to those whom actually liked my story. Honestly I don't know how I tricked myself into thinking writing this garbage was fun. Shivani I thank you, and I hope all the other stories you click on are better than mine. I want you to have a good time reading fanfiction. But most of all I wish you could see the look on my face now.**


End file.
